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The New Despair

by Northtop Gunman

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1.
Aurora 08:13
In this sinking ship I know tonight will be my last I close the hatch and wait for death I think about the one I left behind and life gone past Before I draw one final breath These frozen waters are so far away from her embrace Oh God I wish I were back home Caught in the grip of ice that wrings my neck and eats my face I've never felt so damned alone I'm a drowning man A sinking man I feel this vessel sinking deeper into the unknown Emerald eyes come into sight With her jet-black hair and skin as white as arctic snow Her memory turns my heart to ice But in my heart of hearts I know that we will reunite I don't know why and I don't know how But for tonight it's farewell to her and this dreary life It's all over for me now I'm a drowning man A sinking man Drowning man Sinking man Drowning man Her eyes in the Aurora Borealis Like liquid green splashed on blackened canvas Dark skies descending on the hometown The lights are on but the soul's already outbound Come now my darling weep not for my soul Be it sent to heaven or hell down below For you shall be waiting with arms open wide With hair black and skin white all bathed in moonlight Hereafter I perished in waters so cold In vain that my story should never be told Condemned to be swallowed by inky black waves Forever to rest in my watery grave
2.
You're not the first, you won't be the last You are the vaccine that's gonna cure my past You are alpha, omega Be my Sirius, I'll be your Vega You're so far ahead of your time Call you HO-229 If I bleed you a river, will you sink or swim? Will I be the one to reel you in? For just one touch of her milk-white skin I sacrificed a piece of myself and I let love in For just one taste of her nectar Bathed in red neon light, I fell down on my knees and begged her Let me in Let me in Let me in Let me in The bread I gave you, not fit to taste My body is dry and bitter, my faith in you displaced The wine you gave me, not meant to share I'm experiencing the new despair Though you might go by a different name Nothing changes, the objective remains the same I'm descending into the spider's lair And I'm teaching myself, teaching myself, teaching myself New despair New despair Despair Despair Nothing that I say or do Will ever be good enough for I'm tethered, forever pulling threads of you Forever lost with regret of you
3.
Moths 04:18
Arrived at the dislocation Could've been a break at a different angle Maybe at the tramway station Cronos got mangled New years or sixteenth of August Floating orb to lunar dust Old monster always arrive too soon And we're as moths before the moon Interruption arrives via the radiator Moaning until early Golden nuages coalesce I'd end up quoting something unearthly Nose-deep in l leather-bound books But it's definitely your soul they took Wish.com suggests I buy a snakeskin spoon And we're as moths before the moon
4.
I've never felt so cold in all my life As when the pages of your chapter were torn out before my eyes Nothing that I say or do can recall those words to life And that haunts me like a spectre or regret every night You love you lose, you live and learn You learn to live but you still yearn for something more You chase you choose, you break you burn The gift you give, I'll never earn Oh simply to be yours There was something in the sky the day that the world fell ill No-one questioned the implications of the captain's will I was haunted by a sudden sense of existentialist dread Now I'm contempt with the notion that we're already dead I was guided by a vision in a fever dream Death invited me to see all was not what it seemed In the desert I laid my eyes upon the walking man Bearing the key to my redemption grasped within an outstretched hand In the wasteland, we make our stand Against the hand of doom In the rubble, we push and struggle For our salvation cannot come too soon.
5.
Sunset on humanity, brought down by our own hand Outcast from society, they cannot hope to understand Nihilistic nightmares in which I never survive Psychotropic dreams of Uranium 235 Xenophobic prisoner in self-constructed cell Like Croft, I hate everything which is not in myself Grasping in vain to all that is beautiful and pure Infected with a pathogen for which there is no cure I just want to live by an honourable code Not to succumb to the lure of fool's gold You say I'm still young but I feel so old The big hard sun never felt so cold I just can't let go no matter how hard I try Of this one I considered a true love of mine I guess I belong to a different time Now stale is the bread and sour is the wine And I miss you, I miss you now you're gone Nothing, nothing lasts so long Nothing, nothing matters anymore No, nothing really matters when all of your gold is gone
6.
Sometimes I feel like I'm ready for my grave A sense that what was lost can never be saved Self-loathing and regret are the price I pay To be the fool who would be king for a day I've waited here for you for so very long Questioning myself as to where I went wrong Nobody ever told me what to do I came to hate myself just for loving you I always thought that you'd be mine someday I never dreamed you'd drift so far away Separated by a raging sea I'm getting high on my own misery Now that it's over and the dream is dead Perhaps it was always just in my head I never dreamed life could be so damn cruel To love you is to play the part of the fool Now that the sun is black and the sky's on fire Ignited by your touch and fuelled by my desire I see your face in every flame In winter's howl, I hear your name I take this crown of thorns and do what is required You are my everything And everything that I do I do for you

credits

released May 6, 2020

All tracks performed by Northtop Gunman
Written by David Buchan, Conor "Cod" O'Donnell, and Ruiri Harker
Produced by Fud Records

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Northtop Gunman Edinburgh, UK

Prophets of doom? Or agents of edginess? You be the judge.

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